When are things going to be fine?

It’s been 6 weeks, well tomorrow anyway. Edward hasn’t been himself ever since. One thing leads to another. Oliver isn’t getting what he should be getting from me either. Why do I feel so insufficient to my boys?

When Oliver is awake and alert (which is rare coz he would always be sleeping or trying to sleep), I would be in the shower! Why wasn’t I holding my baby and talking to him? …. It’s because I needed to help him sleep, burp him, etc. why didnt I shower when he was asleep then? I don’t know too! I don’t know! That’s why I feel ‘insufficient’.

Edward had been emotionally affected by the arrival of Oliver. Coping with it the best way he can. He plays with Phoun happily but he would even be happier, I mean, his face lights up when he sees either mummy or daddy. Lately he has been down with a flu, followed by an ear infection. It’s really been a tough past 2 to 3 weeks. A lot of crankiness, clinging, mood swings, vomiting, disturbed naps, disturbed sleep, feeling insecure, jealousy…

And just as his physical sickness is about to get better (already on 3rd day of antibiotics), this afternoon while in the bedroom with me (I was about to change Oliver’s nappy), Edward fell face down from his rocking chair. My heart just aches so much to see him fall like that. He cried so hard, bled a lot from his mouth… It looks like this swollen lip will not make his appetite get any better in the next few days.

😦 why… Why… Why!!!?

It’s too much for my Edward to take on. A new sibling, less attention from mummy, in the beginning he got a lot of mood swings from daddy (now getting much better), a helper feeding and bathing him sometimes, more lonely playtime, mummy always breast feeding or burping Oliver even though we were sitting together…I just can’t help but feel bad for my baby boy Edward. He’s probably suffering from withdrawal symptoms (of less attention).

And this period Edward can get very clingy or needs a lot of comforting. I would have to pass Oliver to Phoun when he’s crying. I feel bad about this too!

I would sometimes let Oliver cry, knowing that he was hungry, coz I needed to attend to Edward first.

It hurts, being a mother of two. It’s much better to be a mother to one boy at a time! Saying that doesnt mean I regret having Oliver. No way, he’s such a cutie. I just wish things weren’t this bad. Then Edward can be happy, Oliver won’t be left alone as much, and mummy can be a little happier too.

Daddy is even going through a tougher time than I am, I suppose. He has stress from work, from having to please boss, match up to the level of his colleagues, come home play with babies, help wife with nighttime routine…

I’m just about to burst.

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About Lili

Lili is a wife, mum, blogger, and aspiring author. She is a strong believer that we are IN CONTROL of the type of life we’re living, the type of person we are and the one we grow to be. Her goal is to help you become the person you want to be & have the life you deserve! Join her at www.lilisr.com
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